How Barney met Molly
by Heroofthe13thDay
Summary: Barney has been called many things in his life. A playboy, a drinker, a legend... but can he be called a father?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own How I met your mother!**

It was a dark rainy night that made Molly look for refuge somewhere. The thunder and lightning scared her, and that pushed her to take desperate measures. For instance, clinging to an unknown human's shoelaces.

She had tried to take cover from the storm in a small hole in the wall, but it was snatched from her by a rat. She remained as close to the wall as she could. Every time she gathered enough courage to try and move, a gigantic shoe would scare her back to the safety of the wall.

She was about to give up and try to fight the rat when one of the human passerby stopped right in front of her. He seemed to be talking to other humans, she didn't particularly care. All she felt was the cover of the umbrella on top of her. It felt so good to not feel the rain falling on top of her. Without thinking, she approached the massive shoe. This was her chance and she wasn't going to waste it.

She climbed on top of it and snuggled in the shoelaces crisscrossing pattern. She had just gotten comfortable when suddenly the human started to walk away. She yelped when she was lifted very high up and then dropped to the ground, all in less than a second. When she turned her head to the right, she could see the other shoe rise beside her and then go back to the ground. Then it was her turn again.

This continued for a while and she grew accustomed to the giant's walking. She even giggled as she felt her hair flow with the shoe's movement. Each rise and drop distracted her from the storm and soothed her.

From above, Barney thought he heard giggling but dismissed it as another of the city's weird noises.

After some time, Molly slowly fell asleep. When she awoke, she and the human were in an elevator. Molly started to panic. Where was this human going? She hadn't intended to follow him for so long; she just wanted to be dry. The poor five year old borrower started to shake, either from fear or cold.

When the doors opened, the human stepped directly into some type of fancy living room. Molly had seen some like these on a lot of magazines and looked like the kind of thing rich humans could afford. But that didn't matter right now. She needed to get off his shoe before he decided to take it off.

She hurriedly got out of her nook in the shoe and started climbing down the shoelace. This was easier said than done, considering the human's constant moving. She waited for him to stop for a few seconds to get off. She didn't have to wait for long. She dropped to the ground and stumbled on her step a bit before regaining her footing. She didn't waste any time and rushed to a hiding place. It turned out to be under the couch.

From her new point of view she could only see the human's shoe. He was just sitting on the couch doing who knows what. Molly was really tired and just wanted to go back to sleep.

This was the best place at the moment to spend the night so she tried getting as comfortable as she could. She slung her small backpack (which was a coin purse) and used it as a pillow. As she tried to sleep, she couldn't stop shivering. The floor was hard and cold and she didn't have anything to use as a blanket. She felt the urge to sneeze at any moment. She was afraid to be heard and tried to hold it in, but it was useless.

Her sneeze was the only sound on the room. She desperately hoped the human hadn't noticed it. But when he started getting off the couch, she knew he heard her.

Barney had been on his laptop on the couch doing what he usually did at nights when not getting laid. Everything was silent, not a mouse could be heard. Then out of nowhere he heard someone sneeze. Considering he was alone in his apartment and that it came from _underneath _the couch made it even more suspicious.

When he kneeled down to look under the couch, he did not expect to see a tiny girl lying on the floor. Molly did expect him and was very afraid. She sat up and took out her safety pin. It didn't make much of a difference but it made her feel like she at least had a chance.

But when she saw the huge hand coming for her, she couldn't move. She could only stand there in amazement as it descended towards her. The thick fingers wrapped themselves around her. When they started pinning her, she panicked and stabbed the index.

Barney had only wanted to take a closer look at the tiny girl when he felt something prick his finger. He cried out and pulled out his hand. He could see the tiny dot of blood on his finger. How had that tiny chick managed to do that?

Molly took off running once she was free. She just wanted to get away from the giant and didn't notice when she left the safety of the couch. Barney did notice and went behind the couch to catch the fleeing borrower.

Fast as lightning, Barney grabbed an empty bowl and trapped the poor girl underneath it.

"Ha! Gotcha!"

Molly couldn't stop herself in time and smacked against the smooth wall of the bowl. She fell on her butt and was a little dazed for a moment. She shook her head and when she stood up, all she could see was the bowl around her. Thankfully, it was a clear blue so light filtered in. But it also meant that the human could see her.

Barney couldn't believe it. He had trapped a tiny person, possibly a fairy. He couldn't wait to tell the others and show off how awesome he was. Of course he was awesome every day but this bordered over legen(wait for it)dary. Legendary. But he wanted to see her first. He had only caught glimpses before and wanted to make sure it was actually a tiny chick.

"All right, I'm gonna lift the bowl but no running away or pinching me again, ok?"

Molly was too afraid to do either, so she just watched as the clear dome around her was whisked away. Before her, the human sat on his knees and placed the bowl beside him. She couldn't see his face since it was so high. She half expected him to try and grab her again but he just kept talking.

"So first things first. Are you a fairy?"

"I-I'm not a f-fairy." She stumbled on the words from fear of angering the giant. She started sniffling and could feel the tears threatening to fall.

Barney couldn't believe how young she sounded. She was just a kid, and he was scaring the crap out of her. He tried being more kid friendly like Lily with her kindergarten class. Only less Barney the dinosaur and more Barney Stinson.

"Ok, not a fairy but still a tiny chick. What's your name? I'm Barney."

Molly looked up teary eyed and sniffled again. "Mo-Molly."

"Ooh, Molly. I once met a Molly and damn was she…" Barney cut himself off because he remembered something about not mentioning things like that to little kids. Or was it dogs? He couldn't remember.

When Barney looked closer at little Molly, he could tell she was dripping, probably from the storm outside. He reached over to grab her when she squeaked.

The hand approached her again and she couldn't help but squeak. She didn't try anything this time and just let herself be grabbed. Two fingers pinned her and carried her upwards until she was eye level with the human. She kept shivering when he scanned her over with his big round eyes.

"Ple-please don't hu-hurt me!" She shielded herself with her arms and looked away, expecting anything from the human.

Barney blinked. "I just wanted to take a look. You're wet; you're going to need a towel."

Molly lowered her arms uncertainly. "You're going to help me?" 

"Yeah. Come on, let's get you nice and dry."

Before she could say anything else, she was placed in his palm. Sitting in his palm was much better than in his shoe and she sat cross legged in it during the whole ride. It made her a little sleepy from the motion and warmth coming from his hand. He placed her in the bed while he rummaged for something in the closet. Finally he found a handkerchief that could pass for a towel.

But when he turned to the little girl, she was sound asleep. She had curled up and fallen asleep. Add to that the fact that she was gripping his sheets with one hand and she looked pretty darn cute.

"Oh crap, and in my bed!" It was like that scene in Monsters Inc. only there wasn't a chance in hell he was going to sleep sitting on bricks.

He carefully tweezed her intersection between his index and thumb. She refused to let go of his bed so he had to tug and pull her free. When he finally did it, she grabbed his thumb instead and curled up around it. Barney groaned; it was like watching a panda documentary.

He slid her like a ring and wrapped her in his handkerchief. Barney placed her in his nightstand and let her sleep. And that was how Barney met Molly.

**I should have probably updated my other stories first, but this was unavoidable. It's inspired on "Interesting Times" (check it out, it's of GirlX2) and just couldn't get the idea out of my head. Barney makes the best fluffy/comedy/angst scenes! **


	2. Chapter 2

**I continued it, thanks to reviewer Stargazer360 and all those who follow and favorite it! **

The next day, Molly woke up feeling much better. This was the best sleep she had gotten in a really long time. There were no wild animals around, no dusty inside walls, no cold floor… Something was wrong.

Molly was wide awake in an instant. As she looked around, she could tell she was in a human bedroom, on a nightstand to be specific. She threw the blanket on top of her to the side and got off the bundle that was her bed. The first thing she did was grab her backpack. Or at least that was what she did every morning, except it was nowhere to be found. Now she started panicking. This was bad, bad, bad… She was out in the open, with no idea on how she came here and without her backpack.

Suddenly the closet door swung open to reveal a neatly dressed human putting a tie on. He seemed oddly familiar but that wasn't the important thing now. She looked around to find a place to hide, but before she could move, the human looked straight at her and smiled.

"Oh, you're awake! I thought I had to carry you around asleep but this works so much better."

He walked over to where she was and she felt her heart jumping to her throat. He was getting near her, too close for her comfort. He was already towering like a living skyscraper. He was going to hurt her or squash her or…

"Come on, let's go grab breakfast." Offer her breakfast?

Next thing she knew, she was being grabbed by the giant hand. But the moment she was lifted by it, she remembered what happened last night. This was the human that had seen her, chased her and caught her!

She was about to tell him to put her down when she smelled what was probably the best breakfast in the history of breakfasts. And she forgot everything she was going to say.

When he placed her down in the table, she looked up in wide glistening eyes and felt like she was in Heaven. There was a plate full of waffles covered in maple syrup and on top of them were strawberries. She was about to dig into them, literally, when two giant hands took the plate away from her.

"Mine!" Then, the human started eating the waffles in front of her. She looked up and felt ready to burst into tears. She hadn't eaten for some days and the hunger was killing her.

Barney was in the middle of eating when he looked down to the tiny girl. She had that look on her that chicks had when they were about to cry. He tried to look away but he always came back to look at those big glistening green eyes. He was about to finish when he couldn't take it anymore. He tore a piece of the last waffle left and put it in front of her.

"Here, I'm too full anyway."

Molly looked at him grateful and started eating. Barney did not think it was adorable on how she nibbled it and the way she enjoyed every bite.

They both had already finished their breakfasts when there was a knock on the door. Without thinking, Barney grabbed a box and put it on top of Molly. Then he went and answered the door.

"Lily! Wha-what are you doing in here so early! Shouldn't you be at home cooking to your loving husband Marshall? How I love that guy. But not in that way, you know, bro love. Why aren't you cooking for him Lily? Why, why would you do that to the poor guy?"

Lily looked at Barney weirdly, well more than usual. She could tell he was nervous about something, but when it came to Barney she learned not to know half the things he did or think.

"Actually, I just came here to drop this. You left it in the bar last night." And she handed him a pipe and a monocle.

"Ooh I wondered where these went! Gotta save these for next time." He pocketed them and started closing the door.

"Thanks for stopping by! See you at the bar tonight, or not!"

"Wai-wait!" Lily tried to keep the door open but Barney close it in her face.

"Well someone's rude." But Lily swore she saw a box move in the background.

Barney sighed in relief. That was close. Then he walked back to the table and removed the box from it. He half expected to see nothing under it, but the little girl was still there. She was sitting down, craning her neck to see his face. Her face was covered of maple syrup and he cringed.

"Come on, get yourself cleaned and we'll get going." He said as he passed over a napkin.

"Go where?" Molly hadn't thought that he would be taking her outside.

"At work with me. I don't trust you to stay alone in the Barncave." Molly frowned. What was the Barncave?

Before she could ask, she was grabbed again. But this time she was placed inside the breast pocket of his suit. It was one of the cleanest pockets she had ever been (and she had been in a lot). There wasn't any lint and it was smooth and silky.

When he started moving, it was like being in a hammock. It swung from side to side and she had to grab the lip of the pocket to be able to stand up. She didn't reach it and had to jump several times 'till she hung from there. She could barely see the same elevator they had taken yesterday. She felt someone watching her and looked up. He was watching her intently from above and she blushed and looked away.

"What was your name again?"

"Mo-Molly."

"Hey, Molly I'm Barney." Then he pushed her lightly with his enormous finger and she slipped back to the depths of the pocket. She was going to protest when she heard more voices and kept quiet instead. She didn't make a sound through the whole way.

Barney felt weirder by the minute. He could feel the girl moving in his pocket from time to time and had to suppress the urge to scratch it. Also, there was a girl _inside_ his suit. Of course he didn't think of little Molly that way, but if there was a tiny woman out there… He would certainly try that out. Mental self-high five.

Moving on from those disturbing thoughts, Molly was so relaxed and sleepy inside the pocket. She was in the brink of falling asleep when two fingers took her out of her nook. She had to blink a few times to get used to the change of light. When she was able to look around, she could tell she was in some sort of office. It looked very fancy and with a big window in the wall by the side. There were some posters in the wall and they were awesome.

While she gazed around his office, Barney had lowered her to his desk. He surrounded her with turned square pencil holders that made a tiny room around her, making it unable to climb out.

As Barney worked in his laptop, Molly sat down. Then she stood up and started pacing restlessly. Barney glanced at her until he couldn't take it anymore.

"All right, stop that."

"I can't, I'm bored!"

Barney put in front of her one of those desk trinkets with the five metal balls that had the ones in the edges bouncing from time to time. Those were sure to keep her entertained.

"This is sure to keep you entertained."

Molly approached it with interest. She sat with her legs crossed in front of it and watched it like it was a TV. Barney sighed in relief and went back to work.

Everything was quiet for some minutes until he heard tiny grunts. He looked down to see what she was doing and rolled his eyes. She was trying to climb on top of one of the metal balls from the edge. Every time she almost managed to do it, it would bounce out of her way and she would drop on her butt. But she would stand and try it again. This kid sure was stubborn. He stared for some time until he grew bored of it.

When Molly tried again to climb on one of those metal balls, she felt something lightly push her on top of it. She gave out a cry of victory once she was up there. When the ball came back, she bounced along with it. It was like a rocking horse, or ball in this case. (There were wrecking ball puns coming but they had to be deleted. You're welcome.)

Molly giggled, she had never had this much fun in a while! But soon enough, she grew tired of the swinging. She tried to get off, but would cower in the last minute. She looked between the drop and the towering giant facing the other way and decided the drop was more likely going to hurt more.

"Mr. Barney, can you please get me down from the ball?"

Barney turned to the girl for about a second and then went back facing his laptop. "You're the one stuck in there, not me."

Molly looked down again and then back to Barney. "Please Mr. Barney!" And she kept that up for fifteen minutes until Barney's eye twitched from annoyance.

"Fine! I'll get you down." He plucked her but didn't put her down. Instead, he set her on top of his desk lamp.

"Hey that's not fair!"

"I never said _where _I would put you next." Barney smiled mischievously and Molly pouted.

"Well... I don't need your help getting down! I'll just slide all the way down!"

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really!"

"Even with cannon balls coming your way?"

"What cannon ba… AHH!" Molly ducked right on that time to avoid being hit with a paper ball. Barney kept throwing more paper balls her way as she climbed down until she reached the surface of the desk.

"Ha! Told ya I could do it!"

"That's because that was easy. Try doing it from a shelf instead, I bet you wouldn't be able to do it."

"Challenge accepted!"

_Two hours later_

Ted and Marshall were heading to Barney's office because of a very important video conference. And with a video conference, they actually meant going to the roof and drinking beer in the middle of work. But it still was very important.

"I can't believe we're having the same argument again. Goatees look stupid."

"No, they don't. I can actually pull that off."

"Yeah, right. Like those red Dorothy boots."

"Hey! Those are real cowboy boots and they look great."

"Unless you're in Brokeback Mountain, you don't put on red boots. Don't you agree Barney?" Marshall looked up to Barney, who put away a lot of stuff from his desk in a hurry. He tried to cover it up, but as usual it was very obvious.

"Yeah, whatever you were saying about Ted's boot. Ha!" He laughed nervously and Ted squinted at him.

"Are you ok Barney?"

"Yeah, why shouldn't I be? Everything's fine! I'm not hiding anyon-anything! Why would you think I'm hiding anything? Stop harassing me!" Barney said all that in one breath and they stared at him.

"Ok… We were just going to grab lunch."

"Lunch! Yes! I just need to finish this real quick, you know work and work. Go ahead; I'll come down in a minute." Then he got them out of his office quickly.

"That's weird." Marshall stated once they were outside.

"What? That Barney kicked us from his office with no apparent reason and seemed very nervous? That's Barney being Barney. Just last week he did the same because he was getting a new suit."

"Not that. I swear I saw a miniature Batmobile on top of his desk, and everybody knows that he keeps it in his apartment to show off to chicks."

Ted looked at Marshall. "You're right. That is weird."

"Told you." Then they went to the bar, but they couldn't shake off the feeling that Barney was hiding something.

**Oooh, is that premonition I smell? **

**I just realized until now how hard it is to write how a little girl takes things. I mean, there are things you just can't put 'cause little kids don't even know what they are. But making them cute sure is easy as pie. Pie…**


	3. Chapter 3

**Finally got the chance to see the final season! **

**Disclaimer (cause I forgot): I own nothing. Except Molly, that one's mine. But otherwise, nope. **

Barney spent the rest of the afternoon with Molly. They kept challenging each other and having fun all in all. This was the first time in a long time that Barney had been with a girl and not trying to hit on her the whole time.

Both of them ended up lying in the sofa, tired but happy. Molly was yawning by the minute and barely could keep her eyes open. By the time they had to leave, little Molly had curled up in Barney's chest and fallen asleep.

Barney didn't want to move her from her comfortable perch since she was sleeping so peacefully. But after the first person passed by his office on the way out, he quickly tucked her inside his jacket's pocket. She just turned to a more comfortable position and continued sleeping. He slowly stood up and made his way out.

Inside the elevator, he smiled as he watched her sleeping. He thought nothing could ruin this moment. Then Marshall and Ted got in the elevator with him.

"Dude, I can't wait to get to McLaren's!" Ted was shouting excitedly and Barney flinched.

"I'm so excited, I haven't eaten in two hours!" Marshall was even louder. Dear Lord, he was surrounded.

"What about you Barney?"

Barney started sweating. "Wha-what about me?"

"How many tacos are you gonna eat?" Tacos? What were they talking… Dammit! He forgot it was Taco Friday today! He didn't want to miss Taco Friday, but he also didn't want them to find out about Molly. Maybe he could leave her in his apartment and then head to the bar. She was already asleep so it wasn't like she was going to do anything while he was away eating tacos. Yeah, that sounded like a plan.

Marshall snapped his fingers in front of Barney and he jumped back. "Barney? You ok?"

"Oh, uhm… yeah! Tacos, yay! I'll meet you guys at the bar later; I need to go get some stuff done. But I'll definitely see you later!" He laughed nervously and when the elevator doors opened with a ding, he was out of there faster than Marshall eating a whole plate of tacos. Marshall and Ted stepped out not as fast as their friend.

"Wonder what's gotten into him?"

"Dunno and don't care. Taco Friday man!"

"Yeah!" Both of them didn't spare a second thought on Barney's weird antics, already used to his strange behavior.

_Line Break_

Barney got to his apartment as fast as he could without waking Molly. Once there, he stopped for a moment to catch his breath. He then gently took her out, cupping his hand and letting her lie sprawled on his palm. He still couldn't believe someone would be so small to be able to fit comfortably on his palm. He could barely feel her weight, but he definitely could feel her whole being. It was like holding a baby bird, only Molly was more fragile and awesome.

He cupped his other hand on top of her and went to his bedroom. Walking to his nightstand, he knelt down. On top of it was an old necklace case, which he had prepared for her to use as a bed earlier in the morning. He had to barely tip his hand holding her to make her move, and she rolled until she hit her makeshift bed. Holding a handkerchief between his thumb and index finger, he tucked her in. She snuggled comfy and smiled in her sleep. Molly didn't wake up the whole time.

For a moment, Barney was hesitant to leave. It was the same weird feeling from before, when Marshall and Ted had been around. He didn't know what it was and before he could ponder on it, he shook his head. Barney left his apartment and went to the bar. He didn't think much on the fact that he had locked his bedroom on the way out.

_Line Break_

Through the next weeks, Molly stayed at Barney's apartment. Both of them had settled on a routine and were almost in sync. Every day, the first one to wake up would then wake the other one. The first time Molly tried to wake Barney up; she ended up as a teddy bear until Barney stirred awake. After that, she used his cell phone to wake him up.

They would then eat breakfast and go to work. The rest of the day would be spent on Molly playing and Barney sometimes playing with her or working. Molly never left Barney's side for long. No one noticed the tiny borrower coming and leaving, especially Ted and Marshall.

So it was only a matter of time until someone discovered her.

It was a normal Thursday when it happened. The group had caught on Barney's strange behavior for weeks now and was suspicious.

"I'm telling you, he's running his own strip club."

"As if. If Barney had a strip club, he would be rubbing it on our faces 24/7 instead of hiding it. No, what he's doing is selling-" Sandwiches, Robin said sandwiches.

"Pfft, I don't even know why we're even discussing this. It's pretty obvious, isn't it? I mean, sneaking out at lunch and after he leaves work, not taking girls to his place, shutting the blinds in his office… It's pretty clear guys. Barney's a vampire." Lily said with certainty. Just kidding, that was Marshall.

"Oh, what if Barney has a secret identity! He could be like one of those con artists on TV that have a whole different persona in another state and even be married and have kids!"

"The sandwich dealer thing is much more convincing."

"Or he could have a secret job as a spy and has been undercover until now!"

"Seriously, when was the last time any of us have seen Barney eat? And you notice how he doesn't get near garlic anymore."

"And we keep getting back to the sandwich theory."

"Guys! We can't just sit here discussing Barney's personal business behind his back!"

_Line Break_

"We'll find out more in his apartment!" Ted, Lily, Marshall, and Robin were now standing on Barney's apartment after breaking in. Lily had suggested it.

"Spread out and look for anything out of the ordinary!"

They separated and searched through Barney's things. Lily went to the kitchen, Marshall looked in one of the closets and Ted headed for the bedroom.

At the end, they all gathered in the living room, having discovered nothing.

"Anything?"

"Nope."

"Nothing."

"Nada. Although I did find the ruler I had lent Barney, but he can keep it. I don't know what he used it for but I don't want it anymore."

Robin entered through the front door looking a little disheveled.

"Where were you?" 

"One minute I went on a room and next thing I knew, I was on the back alley. What was more confusing was that it wasn't even the back alley of this building."

Suddenly, they heard someone unlocking the door. As one, they bolted to Barney's bedroom and hid in his closet.

"Guys!" Marshall whispered anxiously. "What if he drinks our blood and discards our bodies. I don't want to die!"

"Shut up Marshall!"

They grew quiet as they heard Barney outside. He seemed to be talking to someone.

"I swear if we have to hear Barney and another girl doing it again…" They all shushed Ted when Barney came to his room.

"And then Marshall and Lily drank out of the beer even after what happened."

They heard faint giggling. They shot confused looks to each other because that didn't sound like a bimbo giggle. It sounded more innocent, like a child's laugh. Barney kept on talking and whoever replied was too faint for them to make out. Maybe he was on the phone.

"Well, time to go to bed. And no sugar for you cause last time I swear you turned into a Gremlin."

They peeked from inside the closet and watched Barney mess with something in his nightstand before leaving the room. They didn't miss a beat after Barney left the apartment to check what he'd been doing in the nightstand.

The first one to see Molly was Lily. Her eyes widened and she gasped. After her came Marshall and he was no different, with just a hint of amazement (even if it was no Nessie). Ted was shocked and Robin was thinking how the heck Barney managed to shrink someone down and that if he ever tried that on her she would kick his ass, no matter what size she was.

And Molly, well thank God she was asleep if not she would have freaked out. And while she slept, the others freaked out.


End file.
